LEARNING HOW TO LOVE MY WHOLE SELF

As I sit in my bed staring at the blank space on my computer screen trying to decide what I should write about my mind comes up blank. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing about how to be in love with your whole self but I realized I can’t do that.

I’d be lying.

I don’t know if I’m in love with my whole self at this current moment in time, but I’m learning how to be.

Back in March I had decided to take control of my life. I was in a horrible job situation that was literally sucking the life out of me, I wasn’t working out, I wasn’t eating well. Basically, I was a shell of a human being. One morning I woke up and something in my brain finally switched on. I went into work, told them I would be quitting, I reached out to my brother (fitness guru) and had him give me a workout routine. I stopped eating McDonalds french fries everyday for lunch and I told myself to get my shit together.

And it worked! For roughly two months I got my ass out of bed and went to the gym, I was in a better mood while at work knowing that it would be done in just a couple weeks, I was saving money because I stopped making midnight trips to Jack in the Box. I was so proud of myself! I was doing it.

And then……

While on vacation in Greece back in May, I got in an accident that left me unable to walk for a few weeks and just like that my routine was shot. I stopped finding the motivation to go to the gym. I told myself it was OK to eat as much ice cream as I wanted because I felt sorry for me. Everything I had worked so hard to overcome slowly started creeping back into my schedule and I hated myself for that.

Fast forward to the present – it is now September and I am just now starting to really get myself back into that routine of loving my body enough to take care of it every single day. It is not easy. You know what is easy? Choosing to be lazy and finding an excuse to skip out on the gym. Deciding not to prep my meals at the beginning of the week in order to ensure that I’ll be eating healthy all week long. Not taking the time out of each day to be with myself, reconnect with my faith, breath, and remind myself why I am worth it.

But I don’t want to do that anymore.

If I’m going to learn how to love my whole self I have to care about my body enough to say yes to taking care of it every. single. day. Not just when it’s convenient.

If I’m going to learn how to love my whole self I have to appreciate where I’m at in every stage of my life. I can’t beat myself up for the mistakes I made yesterday but I can forgive myself and move on.

I read something on the internet the other day that someone wrote in response to another person’s cry for help and what they wrote stuck to me. So much so that I wrote it down in my journal and I read it every day. (It’s long but stick with me, it is something everyone should read and take to heart.)

They wrote:
“BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU’S. Uh what? 3 me’s? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you’s homeslice. There’s the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you’s are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you’ve done. And do favors for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of a Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a productive day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that’s all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me’s is you gotta do your future self a favor, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It’s future and past you). Tired as hell and can’t get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? Fuck you present self, this one’s for future me, I’m gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I’m doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? Fuck you present self, this one’s for my best friend, the future me. I’m up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it’s just gotta be more than zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every. single. thing. That makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.”

He goes on to talk about forgiving yourself and how to create an environment where every day you work towards your goals in some capacity, but this section especially stood out to me. In order to learn how to love my whole self I have to be thankful for the things I have done for me in the past and be constantly doing things to benefit myself in the future.

So here’s to continuing how to learn to love me. Every part of me.